Problem: you enter a convenience store thirsty, thinking you have money in your pocket. It turns out you have but one lone His Excellency. What to do you?
You go ahead and spend .99 on 23.5 ounces of 90s design aesthetic and acceptable levels of high fructose corn syrup. And you can totally recycle the can.
Yes, friends, this still exists. AriZona Tea, you are the unmoved mover of all the latter-day sweetened beverages, aren’t you? You immutable, glorious, drinkable urn of my youth. What can explain you? 2 what do U compare? If only I’d been wearing my awesome Arizona Jeans products from 1995-97. Alas, except for a choice pair of brown cords, all of those pants disintegrated after two or three times through the laundry. My mom said the holes at the pockets were the result of strain from wearing my blue jeans too low. As if. Why don’t you just call them slacks and be done with it, Mom? Oh, YES I AM going to see Fastball, Marcy Playground, Wyclef Jean, Green Day, Everclear, Mighty Mighty Bosstones, and Eve 6 in Camden. Oh I’m not? Really?
Really.
Don’t get the wrong idea: the concert debacle had nothing to do with my jeans. Sorry, friends. The AriZona is doing its thing.
Chris Cocca 
I loved AriZona iced tea. So sweet and refreshing. I usually opted for the glass bottle that could also be used as a truncheon with ginseng if anyone touched my Stussy hat without permission.
Dearest Son,
It’s time to get over the concert in Camden. Need I remind you that the city was in flames?? Hell night or some such nonsense? And you were an inexperienced driver. How I love you.
Fact: I almost didn’t include that last part because I didn’t want you to feel bad.
Fact: I had gone to the same event the year before, as well as another event at the same venue. But yes, in both of those cases, we were driven by parents.
Fact: Yeah, I’m over it. And over the fact that snowbird sister was allowed to drive many states away on her own at the same…what evs. I’m just more precious, I guess.
Wink.
I still LOVE AriZona ice tea.
But do you still wear Arizona jeans? If you do, you get like a million points.
Man, that sounds like it would’ve been an AMAZING concert. Harsh Mrs. C, harsh… Arizona Iced-T was the best.