The Lunacy of Recognition

I came across this short reflection by Jeff Burton on Medium.  I think he asks questions worth asking, and raises points creative people don’t talk enough about.

There’s a degree to which hoping to find an audience for one’s art feels like lunacy.  The odds are very much against it.  There’s something to doing a thing for the joy of doing it.  I think this goes along with the idea that we can produce great art without the kind of suffering that comes from not taking care of ourselves.

That’s not to say there’s anything wrong with wanting an audience.  But if you make something beautiful and no one else knows, guess what?  You still made something beautiful.  I have this idea that people in previous eras were better at getting healthy satisfaction and pleasure from doing things well than we are.  We have been taught for the last hundred years that skill and celebrity go hand in hand.  We have been taught that celebrity is the highest validation of skill.

We’ve probably been taught wrong.

 

Listen, Everyone.  Please Take Your Medication.

This piece by Amanda Mull is important. Two excerpts:

Now, in apparently quitting his psychiatric medication for the sake of his creativity, West is promoting one of mental health’s most persistent and dangerous myths: that suffering is necessary for great art.

Esmé Weijun Wang, a novelist who has written about living with schizoaffective disorder, has experienced that reality firsthand. “It may be true that mental illness has given me insights with which to work, creatively speaking, but it’s also made me too sick to use that creativity,” she says. “The voice in my head that says ‘Die, die, die’ is not a voice that encourages putting together a short story.”

Take your medicine. Work with a behaviorist.  Get your shit done.  You can do it.

Medicine does not blunt the tools.  It frees you up to actually use them.

Writing in the Margins

By most definitions, I’m not part of any marginalized community. My great-grandparents, who came to the United States from Southern Italy over a hundred years ago, were economic refugees arriving here at the height of anti-Catholic, anti-Italian (anti-anything-ethnic) nativism. Their experience on the margin of American life and systems is something I try to imagine but do not (and cannot) directly experience.

I have student loan debt, and I know what it’s like to struggle through bad economies and upside-down housing markets. But at the end of the day, I’m a white American man with two advanced degrees, a job, and some time left over to pursue other things.

I have worked closely with many people from all kinds of backgrounds experiencing chronic homelessness and food insecurity. I have tried to use my relative privilege to make a difference. Sometimes, the small parts I’ve played have aligned with the hard work of others and people have been lifted out of destructive cycles they didn’t choose. Sometimes, people just need a break. Sometimes, they come out of the homeless camps and stay housed.

Other times, funding is cut and lifelines are lost. Misguided fiscal conservativism, in the guise of common sense, creates more (and more expensive) problems than it solves. I’ve seen people put out in the street when assistance is cut by as little as $150 a month, and I know from years of experience that the actual dollars-and-sense cost of homelessness is far, far greater.

I don’t live in these kinds of margins, but I’m closely tied to them.

*

I have never been a big fan of John Lennon. I’m just not. Even at the height of my mandatory teenage Beatles obsession (for me, the late 90s, the Anthology, Abbey Road, MMT, the red and blue alums, etc), I was more a George person. For all of his commitments to peace in some general sense, he seemed to me like so many other people of his era, either unwilling or unable to come to terms with his own brokenness. I get that he tried, which is more than many folks do, and I don’t mean to discount that. Let’s just say he had a hard time not bullying everyone close to him, except maybe for Yoko (who knows). Of course, that brokenness comes from somewhere. From specific places, and from that collective nightmare we might just call Modern Life. (Now that we’re two decades into the 21st century, using “the 20th century” as shorthand for near-apocalypse doesn’t seem honest).

Most readers and writers are fundamentally interested in these kinds of margins, in the business of what Lennon said happens when we’re busy making other plans. I still haven’t decided if he was being precious or prescient or cruel in that assessment. What plans are we making? Why are we making them? Lennon’s terrible job being a father to Julian fuels my suspicion.

At the same time, there’s something to this idea of life as something that happens in the margins. Or parts of life, anyway. To help people on actual margins, and to keep myself from being on the economic margins that drove my ancestors from the dirt farms of Campania, I have often only found time for writing in the margins of other activities. I write, literally, in the margins of books, but blog posts like this one are another example. I’m between other things at the moment, this precise moment, between work and other commitments, between reading any number of things, between doses of medication, you name it.

I’m not writing from the margins the way many folks are. But I’m writing from my own kinds of margins, from my slice of collective student-loan debt, from my experience in fields that don’t pay much, that require many sources of funding, some of those sources inexplicably, obscenely political. I’m certainly writing in the margins. Of books, of this CMS, of my other commitments. Life isn’t really what happens when you’re busy making other plans. Life is the plans and the busy. The print and the margin. The book.


What I’m Reading, What I’m Writing

Reading:

Burning Down the House: Essays on Fiction, Charles Baxter

The Sun Also Rises, Ernest Hemingway

Blanco, Allen Wier

I’ve written a short (1200 words) essay about one of the pieces in the Baxter collection and sent it to a few places. I may run it here soon. One of the interesting things about Burning Down the House is that it was written 20 years ago the first essay, “Mistakes Were Made,” anticipates the narrative dysfunction gripping what’s left of the national discourse.

Hemingway is a re-read. I’m enjoying most of it. There are some things I cringe at, which forces me to ask question I probably wasn’t asking as a younger reader (and as a hunger human being).

I recently watched a talk by Allen Wier on YouTube and really liked it. I just started reading his first novel, Blanco. It was published in 1978. I’m only two chapters in, but the writing is tight and I’m excited to see where it goes.

Writing:

I have a second, very brief essay (650 words) out to a few markets. It’s about relationships, which, really, all fiction is.

I have a new short story (5000 words) out for editing, and a second new story sitting at about that length with probably 2000 words to go. It hasn’t stalled, but I have had to put it aside because the final piece of it is, for me, too emotional at the moment.

I’m revising a novel manuscript that I worked on during my MFA. Doing that brings lots of highs and a few lows. There are bursts of new creativity, and characters are doing things that surprise me. My subconscious is planting symbols and loose ends that are being addressed later, the narrative is coming together. I suppose the only thing I’m really afraid of in life (apart, of course, from things involving relationships) is that I won’t finish this project. Not because it’s hard (it is, and should be), but because of the chance that something stupid will stop me in the middle. So, I need to keep that crucible, imposed only by my own anxiety, in check.

I visited with a friend in the hospital this past week and we talked about the things we need to do be in good head space. When I find anxiety medicine working, I eventually forget to take it. He had a good solution: “set an alarm on your phone.” What I’m trying to say is that anxiety is not a great muse. The things I’m reading are helping with the way I’m thinking about narrative structure, and that, in itself, brings some anxiety. But on we go.

On we go.